How should I pray?

What the Bible says

One of the first things the disciples asked Jesus was to teach them to pray (Luke 11:1). He begins with the attitude of prayer.

But when you pray, go into your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matt 6:6

Prayer is not a performance for others but a meeting with the Father. Jesus also says, "do not babble on like pagans" (Matt 6:7), and gives the reason: "your Father knows what you need before you ask Him" (Matt 6:8). Then he teaches a pattern.

So then, this is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Matt 6:9-10

The order matters. First we address the Father and ask for God's name, kingdom and will. Then come our own needs: daily bread, forgiveness, and deliverance from temptation (Matt 6:11-13). God's concerns come first and ours follow, yet ours are not small. We are told to ask the Father even for bread.

Paul unfolds the same spirit.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Phil 4:6

Here several parts of prayer can be seen: praise, confession, thanks and request. The Psalms are the school for all of them. Psalm 51 is a prayer of confession, "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your loving devotion" (Ps 51:1), and Psalm 130 a prayer from despair: "Out of the depths I cry to You, O LORD!" (Ps 130:1). The Psalms contain complaint and lament as well, and Psalm 88 ends in darkness. God does not accept only tidy words.

There is a way even when we do not know what to say.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.

Rom 8:26

Prayer is not a solitary effort. The Spirit prays within us. So Paul urges us to "pray in the Spirit at all times" (Eph 6:18). Underneath it all lies the fact that we may call God Father: "you received the Spirit of adoption to sonship, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!'" (Rom 8:15).

The church's witness

From the beginning the church prayed the Lord's Prayer, and it learned how to pray first from this prayer. Matthew Henry, on Matthew 6:9, writes, "Not that we are tied up to the use of this only, or of this always; yet, without doubt, it is very good to use it. It has much in a little" Matthew Henry. The Lord's Prayer is both a prayer to recite and a pattern that shapes our own.

Cyprian notices the first word, "Our." He writes, "for the teacher of peace and master of unity would not have men pray singly and severally" Cyprian. Even in a private room a Christian says "our." Prayer is always the prayer of one family.

On the Spirit's help, Matthew Henry writes of Romans 8:26, "The Holy Spirit is the spring of all desires toward God, which are often more than words can utter" Matthew Henry. It is a comfort that when words fail, prayer has not ended.

Traditions differ on the form of prayer. Orthodox, Catholic, Anglican and Lutheran churches prize set prayers and fixed hours, with psalms and prayers offered at appointed times. They say that when our hearts waver, the church prays for us. Many Protestant churches stress spontaneous prayer in one's own words, resting on the invitation to "pour out your hearts before Him" (Ps 62:8). Both are in Scripture: Jesus gave a fixed prayer and also prayed in his own words. The two traditions need each other.

In the original languages

The usual New Testament word for prayer is proseuche (προσευχή), with the verb proseuchomai (προσεύχομαι). It joins a preposition meaning "toward" to euchomai, "to pray" or "to wish." In the New Testament it is never used for asking things of people, only for prayer. From the start, prayer has a direction: toward God.

The abba (ἀββά) that Jesus prayed in Gethsemane is the Aramaic family word for "father" (Mark 14:36). It is popularly explained as "daddy," but that is a disputed claim, not a settled fact: many scholars, notably James Barr, have pointed out that grown sons and daughters also used abba, so "daddy" overstates the childlike tone. What is clear is that it is the language of trust and closeness in a family, and that Paul places the same word on the lips of every believer (Rom 8:15).

Common objections

"If God already knows everything, why pray?" This is not an objection Scripture ignores; Jesus himself said the Father knows before we ask. So the purpose of prayer cannot be to inform God. Prayer is relationship. A parent who knows a child's needs does not conclude that the child need not speak; the speaking and listening is the relationship. James also says, "You do not have, because you do not ask" (Jas 4:2). We cannot fully explain how God has arranged his will and our asking to meet. That a mystery remains should be admitted.

"I have prayed and nothing happened. Isn't prayer useless?" This is a painful question that many believers know well. Scripture does not promise that every request will be granted as asked. Jesus prayed in Gethsemane, "Take this cup from Me. Yet not what I will, but what You will" (Mark 14:36), and Paul pleaded three times for his thorn to be removed, and was answered, "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor 12:9). Matthew Henry says, "God accepts the prayer of faith, yet he does not always give what is asked for: as he sometimes grants in wrath, so he sometimes denies in love" Matthew Henry. The Bible does not hide that there are seasons of silence. This question is taken up further in Does God answer prayer?

"I don't know how to pray, and I feel nothing." Prayer needs no formula or special eloquence, and it can go on when feelings are absent. The Psalms include prayers from a "dry and weary land" (Ps 63:1). What matters is not an emotional high but coming to God. Hebrews says, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence" (Heb 4:16).

Going further

Starting can be simple. Choose a time and a quiet place. Pray through the Lord's Prayer slowly, a phrase at a time, putting each in your own words. Read a psalm aloud and make it your prayer. Tell God a few things you are thankful for, something to confess, and something you need. Sometimes stay quiet in his presence. Jesus "frequently withdrew to the wilderness to pray" (Luke 5:16). A short prayer kept up is better than a long one attempted once. No method is a charm that guarantees an answer, because prayer is a relationship with a Father and not a machine.

You might ask yourself: What kind of God do I picture when I pray? Is there something I have avoided saying to him? If I told God one thing honestly today, what would it be?

To read further, see Does God answer prayer?, Who is the Holy Spirit? and What is worship? Read Matthew 6 and Psalms 23 and 130 slowly.