How is forgiveness possible?

What the Bible says

The Bible finds the reason to forgive not within us but in what God has already done. Paul writes:

Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.

Eph 4:32

Colossians says the same: "Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col 3:13). Before every command to forgive stands the fact of having been forgiven. Jesus built it into the prayer he taught: "And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matt 6:12).

Jesus explains the logic in a parable. Peter asks, "Up to seven times?" and Jesus answers, "not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!" (Matt 18:21-22). Then he tells of a servant who owed ten thousand talents. When he begged, his master "had compassion on him, forgave his debt, and released him" (Matt 18:27). But on leaving, that servant seized a fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii and demanded payment. The parable ends:

Then the master summoned him and said, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave all your debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?’

Matt 18:32-33

The two sums cannot be compared: what we owe God far exceeds what anyone owes us. Forgiveness is not a calculation but an overflow of grace received.

Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery. Years later, when they bowed before him, he said:

As for you, what you intended against me for evil, God intended for good, in order to accomplish a day like this— to preserve the lives of many people.

Gen 50:20

Joseph did not call the deed good; they intended "evil." But he asked, "Am I in the place of God?" (Gen 50:19), left judgment with God, and promised to provide for them (Gen 50:21). And the first thing the text says he did was weep (Gen 50:17). Forgiveness is not painless; it is a decision made while carrying the pain.

The highest example is the cross.

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Luke 23:34

Jesus prayed for the men who nailed him there. The first martyr, Stephen, prayed the same as he was stoned: "Lord, do not hold this sin against them" (Acts 7:60). Yet forgiveness is not the abandonment of justice. Paul says:

Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

Rom 12:19

Because God will repay, we can set down the burden of revenge. Paul continues: "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:21).

The church's witness

Chrysostom explains Jesus' prayer from the cross this way: not that Jesus was unable to pardon, but "that He might teach us to pray for our persecutors, not only in word, but in deed also" Chrysostom. Bede holds that the prayer was not in vain: "in those who believed after His passion He obtained the fruit of His prayers" Bede.

On the parable of the servant, Chrysostom notices that the master did not call the man wicked for his huge debt, only for his hardness toward his fellow servant Chrysostom. Jerome says the words "from your hearts" are "added to take away all feigned reconciliations" Jerome. Lip-service is not enough.

Matthew Henry adds: "we should not aggravate our neighbour's wronging us, nor study revenge. Let our complaints, both of the wickedness of the wicked, and of the afflictions of the afflicted, be brought to God, and left with him" Matthew Henry.

Christians differ in emphasis on how forgiveness relates to repentance. Luke 17:3 says, "If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him." Some hold that forgiveness in the full sense, like God's, is granted when the wrongdoer repents; until then the Christian renounces revenge, refuses bitterness, prays for the other and stays ready to forgive. Chrysostom reads Jesus' prayer from the cross this way, as a plea to forgive them if they repent Chrysostom. Others hold that forgiveness is first an inner release that can begin before any repentance, pointing to the prayers of Jesus and Stephen, while reconciliation and restored trust wait on repentance. Both agree that forgiveness must come from the heart, that vengeance belongs to God, and that those who repent must be forgiven.

In the original languages

The most common New Testament word for forgive is aphiēmi (ἀφίημι), which basically means "to send away" or "to release." To forgive is to open the hand that held a debt or a wrong and let it go.

The "forgiving" of Ephesians 4:32 is a different word, charizomai (χαρίζομαι), from the same family as "grace." It shows that forgiveness is a gift freely given.

In the Old Testament the word for God's forgiving is salach (סָלַח), whose subject in Scripture is almost always God. Forgiveness belongs first to him. Another word, nasa (נָשָׂא), means "to lift" or "to carry," and is also used for forgiving sin.

Common objections

"Some things cannot be forgiven." To a parent who has lost a child, a survivor of abuse, or a victim of war, "forgive" can sound like one more wound. The Bible does not say forgiveness is easy; it may take a single decision and a long walk. But forgiveness is not pretending nothing happened. In Scripture it begins by calling wrong wrong, as Joseph did. It is not excusing, and it does not require returning to a dangerous relationship; Paul says, "If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone" (Rom 12:18). Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation or restored trust; trust is rebuilt only when the wrong is owned and it is safe. Anyone in danger should first seek safety and help. Nor does justice vanish; the right of vengeance is left with God. Understood this way, ‘I cannot forgive’ can become the honest confession ‘I cannot let go yet,’ which a Christian brings to God. Its ground is not our strength but our having been forgiven first. Christians believe that at the cross God himself paid the cost of the greatest wrong.

"If we forgive, evil goes unchecked. Where is justice?" The question springs from a right instinct. Forgiveness that does not name evil is cheap. But the Bible does not set forgiveness against justice. Forgiveness comes from the confidence that the final verdict rests with God. It does not cancel legal consequences. Reporting a crime and letting a wrongdoer face the law is not at odds with forgiving; Paul says the governing authority does not bear the sword in vain (Rom 13:4).

"Jesus says that if we do not forgive, God will not forgive us. Isn't that conditional?" Matthew 6:15 says, "if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours." This sounds frightening, but it is not about the price of being forgiven. As the parable shows, someone who has truly received great forgiveness cannot refuse small forgiveness, if it has reached the heart. Some traditions read the warning to mean that a forgiven person who persists in refusing to forgive can forfeit the forgiveness received, as the master reinstates the debt (Matt 18:34); others, that an unforgiving heart shows grace was never truly received. Either way, it is not meant to condemn those who struggle to forgive but to call them back to the grace they have received.

Going further

Forgiveness is not squeezed out by duty. The Bible first turns us to see how large a debt has been cancelled for us. So when forgiveness will not come, the first step is not to scold ourselves but to return to God's forgiveness.

You might ask yourself: Whom have I not yet let go, and what am I still trying to collect from them? How much do I believe I have been forgiven? What small first step can I take now, such as praying for that person?

To read further, see What is repentance? and What is grace?.